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Chapter 2: But I'm Afraid!

Getting the Right Perspective

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You have to give a speech, and your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating, and you feel like your stomach is more knotted than a kindergartner's shoelaces. Your knees wobble, and your voice is quivering as you stumble over the words. 
        If this has happened to you, don't worry.  Anxiety over public speaking is common.  In fact, most good speakers are nervous before they give a speech, whether it is a new topic or one that they have spoken on many times before.  The important difference is that a good public speaker has learned techniques to help to control his/her fear.  One experienced speaker said, "I still have butterflies in my stomach; I just make them fly in formation." You may always feel nervous, but this class will teach you techniques so that your anxiety doesn't interfere with your ability to communicate. 

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Even experts still get nervous

http://www.aol.com/video/missy-franklin-nervous-to-compete-for-high-school-swim-meet/517638014/

Who do you think you are?

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 Your self-concept is made up of labels that reveal your view of yourself.  These labels are adjectives that describe you socially, psychologically, physically, and spiritually.  Sometimes we can accept these labels, and sometimes we need to change them based on how the Bible says we should view ourselves.

So how did we develop these labels?
        1. Social Comparison Theory:  This is when you look to others, your past, or your ideal self to see how you measure up.  If you wonder how well you play basketball, you may compare yourself to your teammates.  You might measure your personal growth by comparing yourself to your past performances.  You also may judge how much improvement you need to do by comparing yourself with your ideal self. 
            A. We compare ourselves to others:  We can look at someone and see how we measure up.  Did they do a better job than me?  And if they did, is it because they are good in that area and I am not?  Or they just bombed that quiz, I guess I did alright by getting an 80%.
            B. We Compare ourselves to our past self:  Two years ago I never would have been able to be this outgoing.  Or, two years ago I was so outgoing and popular, so what's wrong with me now?
            C. We Compare ourselves to our ideal self:  I should be doing all of these things that I know I am capable of . . . so why aren't I?
  3. The Reflected Appraisal Theory: This theory says that your self-concept is based on what you think others think about you.  For example, you get a hair cut and you evaluate the success or failure of that new look based on the comments you receive.  If nobody comments, you may think that nobody likes it and that it is the worst haircut you've ever had. 
    2. Selective Self-verification Theory: This is when we only accept information about ourselves that fits our self-concept. This is when we take information about ourselves and selectively weed out things that don't match up with what we believe about our true self.


Constructive Criticism

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Constructive Criticism: Analysis and comments that are designed to help someone improve his performance in a specific area.
        It is difficult to both give and receive constructive criticism; but oral and written evaluations of performance are an important step in the process of improvement.   Knowing that bad posture, unclear logic, and poor word choice can ruin a message, it is important to hear if anything is impeding the audience's ability to receive what it is that you are trying to communicate. This gives the speaker the ability to hear how his/her message was received, whether that information is good or bad. 

Here are some ways to make it easier to properly give and receive constructive criticism:



Giving Constructive Criticism: SAFER

        1. Be Specific:  Vague criticism like "good," "bad," or "I liked it" isn't helpful because it doesn't tell the speaker anything specific about the performance.  "I like it" should become "I liked how you used humor and interesting examples to hold the audiences attention throughout the presentation."
        2. Approve: Before you criticize, praise something.  No matter how bad of a job the speaker did, find one thing to positively comment on.  Remember that it's not easy to receive criticism; so complimenting them will help them to remember that you appreciate their efforts and are trying to help them to improve.
        3. Focus: Only comment on their current performance.  Avoid comparing their job to previous attempts or to other people's work. Instead of comparing, focus the comment on the area that needs improvement.  For example, "You are still not speaking at a slow enough pace," is less helpful than, "Remember to speak slowly so that the audience can follow your every word."
        4. Empathize: Put yourself in the speaker's shoes.  How would you want to be addressed if the roles were reversed? Listen to what you are saying and imagine how it must sound to them.  Remember, you will have to receive criticism too, so the golden rule applies here. 
        5. Respect: Attack the problem, not the person.   Keep your suggestions from getting personal.  For example, a statement like, "Try to only use movement for meaningful gestures so that the audience does not get distracted," is focused on the performance; while a suggestions like, "You rocked back and forth so much that you distracted me the whole time," is focused on the person and could be seen as a personal attack. 

Receiving Constructive Criticism: GAIN

1. Glean:  This is your opportunity to learn as much as you can so that you can improve.  So really listen!  Don't ignore a comment because you think your a better speaker than that person.  Always remember that no matter how good you are, you can always improve.
2. Accept: Never get defensive.  If you do, you'll make it harder for people to comment, and it will be less likely that you will learn and improve from the experience and feedback.
3. Implement: Immediately look for ways to apply suggestions.
4. Normalize: One you have implemented the suggestions, ask your teacher if the resulting change brings the speech closer to communicating your message.  From then on, work to make the suggested change part of your normal speaking.
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Relax! Action for Relaxation

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So you're still terrified of getting up in front of people = communication apprehension.

Communication apprehension is a broad term referring to fear in any communication situation.
    - Talking on the Phone
    - Meeting new people
    - Speaking up in front of a group
There are mental and physical things a speaker can do in order to relax in any situation.
    Knowing these methods can help  you to:
    - Appear Calm and In Control
    - Overcome Stage Fright: the fear of speaking in front of an audience.

Why do people feel this way?

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Can you relate? Before giving a speech:
    - Your hands get sweaty
    - Your leg muscles tighten
    - Your knees shake
    - You loose your appetite
    - Your heart beats faster
    - Your mouth is dry
    - You start to sweat
    - Your face gets red and blotchy

Answer: Adrenaline

Stage fright occurs because your body, sensing your stress, is producing greater amounts of a hormone called adrenaline.

Adrenaline: A hormone produced by the body in times of physical or mental stress.

Adrenaline prepares your body for fight or flight. 
    Surprising Fact: An Adrenaline Surge is Good
    - You need the extra energy to help you think faster and speak with enthusiasm.
  
Controlled stage fright can be useful.
    - What is most important is not to let the energy get out of control.
Uncontrolled stage fright can ruin your performance.

What to do?

Mental Action

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Work on your mental game:
1. Think about doing your best for God's glory and with His help.
2. Think about how well you have prepared - you know what you want to say. (One of the best cures for stage fright is adequate preparation).
3. Think about your audience - Everyone wants to see you do your best.  It is highly unlikely that anyone in the audience wants you to mes up.  When a speaker struggles,  most of us wish we could hide under our seats so that he won't feel any worse.
4. Concentrate on your message, not yourself.  If you are careful to choose a subject that is important to you, there will be a message in your topic that your audience needs to hear.  Deliver the message!

Physical Action

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