Chapter 2: But I'm Afraid!
Who do you think you are?
Your self-concept is made up of labels that reveal your view of yourself. These labels are adjectives that describe you socially, psychologically, physically, and spiritually. Sometimes we can accept these labels, and sometimes we need to change them based on how the Bible says we should view ourselves.
So how did we develop these labels?
1. Social Comparison Theory: This is when you look to others, your past, or your ideal self to see how you measure up. If you wonder how well you play basketball, you may compare yourself to your teammates. You might measure your personal growth by comparing yourself to your past performances. You also may judge how much improvement you need to do by comparing yourself with your ideal self.
A. We compare ourselves to others: We can look at someone and see how we measure up. Did they do a better job than me? And if they did, is it because they are good in that area and I am not? Or they just bombed that quiz, I guess I did alright by getting an 80%.
B. We Compare ourselves to our past self: Two years ago I never would have been able to be this outgoing. Or, two years ago I was so outgoing and popular, so what's wrong with me now?
C. We Compare ourselves to our ideal self: I should be doing all of these things that I know I am capable of . . . so why aren't I?
3. The Reflected Appraisal Theory: This theory says that your self-concept is based on what you think others think about you. For example, you get a hair cut and you evaluate the success or failure of that new look based on the comments you receive. If nobody comments, you may think that nobody likes it and that it is the worst haircut you've ever had.
2. Selective Self-verification Theory: This is when we only accept information about ourselves that fits our self-concept. This is when we take information about ourselves and selectively weed out things that don't match up with what we believe about our true self.
So how did we develop these labels?
1. Social Comparison Theory: This is when you look to others, your past, or your ideal self to see how you measure up. If you wonder how well you play basketball, you may compare yourself to your teammates. You might measure your personal growth by comparing yourself to your past performances. You also may judge how much improvement you need to do by comparing yourself with your ideal self.
A. We compare ourselves to others: We can look at someone and see how we measure up. Did they do a better job than me? And if they did, is it because they are good in that area and I am not? Or they just bombed that quiz, I guess I did alright by getting an 80%.
B. We Compare ourselves to our past self: Two years ago I never would have been able to be this outgoing. Or, two years ago I was so outgoing and popular, so what's wrong with me now?
C. We Compare ourselves to our ideal self: I should be doing all of these things that I know I am capable of . . . so why aren't I?
3. The Reflected Appraisal Theory: This theory says that your self-concept is based on what you think others think about you. For example, you get a hair cut and you evaluate the success or failure of that new look based on the comments you receive. If nobody comments, you may think that nobody likes it and that it is the worst haircut you've ever had.
2. Selective Self-verification Theory: This is when we only accept information about ourselves that fits our self-concept. This is when we take information about ourselves and selectively weed out things that don't match up with what we believe about our true self.
Constructive Criticism
Constructive Criticism: Analysis and comments that are designed to help someone improve his performance in a specific area.
It is difficult to both give and receive constructive criticism; but oral and written evaluations of performance are an important step in the process of improvement. Knowing that bad posture, unclear logic, and poor word choice can ruin a message, it is important to hear if anything is impeding the audience's ability to receive what it is that you are trying to communicate. This gives the speaker the ability to hear how his/her message was received, whether that information is good or bad.
Here are some ways to make it easier to properly give and receive constructive criticism:
It is difficult to both give and receive constructive criticism; but oral and written evaluations of performance are an important step in the process of improvement. Knowing that bad posture, unclear logic, and poor word choice can ruin a message, it is important to hear if anything is impeding the audience's ability to receive what it is that you are trying to communicate. This gives the speaker the ability to hear how his/her message was received, whether that information is good or bad.
Here are some ways to make it easier to properly give and receive constructive criticism:
Giving Constructive Criticism: SAFER
1. Be Specific: Vague criticism like "good," "bad," or "I liked it" isn't helpful because it doesn't tell the speaker anything specific about the performance. "I like it" should become "I liked how you used humor and interesting examples to hold the audiences attention throughout the presentation."
2. Approve: Before you criticize, praise something. No matter how bad of a job the speaker did, find one thing to positively comment on. Remember that it's not easy to receive criticism; so complimenting them will help them to remember that you appreciate their efforts and are trying to help them to improve. 3. Focus: Only comment on their current performance. Avoid comparing their job to previous attempts or to other people's work. Instead of comparing, focus the comment on the area that needs improvement. For example, "You are still not speaking at a slow enough pace," is less helpful than, "Remember to speak slowly so that the audience can follow your every word." 4. Empathize: Put yourself in the speaker's shoes. How would you want to be addressed if the roles were reversed? Listen to what you are saying and imagine how it must sound to them. Remember, you will have to receive criticism too, so the golden rule applies here. 5. Respect: Attack the problem, not the person. Keep your suggestions from getting personal. For example, a statement like, "Try to only use movement for meaningful gestures so that the audience does not get distracted," is focused on the performance; while a suggestions like, "You rocked back and forth so much that you distracted me the whole time," is focused on the person and could be seen as a personal attack. |
Receiving Constructive Criticism: GAIN
1. Glean: This is your opportunity to learn as much as you can so that you can improve. So really listen! Don't ignore a comment because you think your a better speaker than that person. Always remember that no matter how good you are, you can always improve.
2. Accept: Never get defensive. If you do, you'll make it harder for people to comment, and it will be less likely that you will learn and improve from the experience and feedback. 3. Implement: Immediately look for ways to apply suggestions. 4. Normalize: One you have implemented the suggestions, ask your teacher if the resulting change brings the speech closer to communicating your message. From then on, work to make the suggested change part of your normal speaking. |